


He Feels Like Home

by Blink_Blue



Series: Tumblr Prompts (Coliver) [21]
Category: How to Get Away with Murder
Genre: Declarations Of Love, Engagement, Fluff, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Romance, don't make it about physics, how do you explain love to children?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-29
Updated: 2016-09-29
Packaged: 2018-08-18 13:38:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,227
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8163851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blink_Blue/pseuds/Blink_Blue
Summary: Connor's keeping a big secret, and he shares it with his sister's children, hoping for some advice.





	

“Now this is suppose to be a secret, so you really can’t… and I mean CANNOT,” Connor emphasizes slowly in a low voice. “Tell… _anyone_. Okay?”

“I LOVE SECRETS!”

“HOW ARE YOU GOING TO DO IT?!”

The simultaneous excited screams that come from his niece and nephew have Connor jumping from where he sits. He quickly looks around the side of the house to make sure no one heard the commotion. Thankfully, the crowd of family and friends that fill the Walsh backyard pay no heed to the gut wrenching panic that currently churns in Connor’s stomach. 

“Oh my god!” He moans, as he grips both children around their shoulders, pulling them close. “Please quiet down!”

“How are you going to do it, Uncle Connor?” Aaron asks again as his sister collapses under the pull of her uncle’s arm in a fit of giggles.

Connor’s eyes swing to the side, avoiding the eager, excited gazes directed at him from his sister’s children. He can’t say for certain why he even told them, they’re just kids. It can’t be a good idea, kids can’t keep secrets! But he couldn’t ignore the pit of worry in his gut any longer. Oliver was sure to notice something was wrong, he had been a bundle of nerves all day. Thankfully, Oliver had been preoccupied most of the day by Connor’s relatives who couldn’t stop fawning over the ‘catch’ that Connor keeps bringing home.

The truth is, as soon as he said the words out loud, the tension immediately started draining from his shoulders.

“I—I don’t know…” Connor finally murmurs. “I’ve got so many ideas, but they all seem really lame and cliché… and just awful. But maybe… maybe you guys can help me out?”

“Tell us! Tell us! Tells us!”

Connor takes a deep breath, thankful that they’re at least attempting to use an ‘indoor’ voice. He clears his throat.

“Okay, so the most obvious way would be during the toast. I know my mom’s going to say a few words for nana’s birthday. And she always loves it when Gemma or I jump in. I thought… maybe I could do it then. ‘Cause it’s such a big thing, especially… _especially_ for me.” Connor suddenly breaks off and rolls his eyes. “Oh god, my mom’s gonna start crying, mark my words. I—I think it’s great that my whole family would be there. You know, they’ve always been so supportive of me. Especially your mother.”

He pauses and takes in the lovely grins on his niece and nephew’s young faces. He can’t help but smile back before he continues. “But then I feel like I’d be stealing the spotlight away from nana’s birthday so I thought maybe the toast wouldn’t be the best idea… Then again, the woman is turning _ninety-one_ , she’s probably had enough spotlight in her lifetime,” Connor grumbles.

“And in front of all those people,” Connor groans loudly as his head falls back against the side of the house he’s sitting against. “Not that I’m scared Oliver will say no, though that’d be _mortifying._ I… I wouldn’t be asking if I thought there was even a chance he’d say no… But a part of me thinks that this is such an intimate thing, and maybe he’d prefer it if I kept it just between us.”

“But then we wouldn’t get to see it!”

“I want to see him say yes!”

Connor snorts under his breath. Kids always have a way of making everything about themselves. “I had this ridiculous idea. You know those cheesy movies where the guy proposes during dinner at a really fancy restaurant? And he puts the ring in a glass of champagne that the waiter brings over?”

He receives two blank stares.

“Okay, well it’s a thing,” Connor says quickly. “I had this idea that I was going to bring Oliver a slice of nana’s birthday cake, and I’d have the ring sticking out of it.” But a mental image of Oliver not seeing the shiny object, taking a big forkful of cake and frosting into his mouth, and then subsequently choking on Connor’s symbol of his deep affection has him quickly shaking his head. “No. No, I shouldn’t do that. That’s a terrible idea. And so tacky.”

“Uncle Connor, are you sure you’re ready for this?”

Connor fights the sudden urge to shake his fist at the sky.

“Of course I am!”

“You seem really confused!” Aaron says skeptically.

“I’m—I’m not confused, I’m _nervous!_ I don’t know if you guys realize this… but this is kind of a big deal!” Connor exclaims. “And I only plan on doing this once, so… I’ve got to make it good!”

“If it’s such a big deal, how do you know you’re ready?” Ella asks.

Connor blinks at the question. He thinks of Oliver’s face, and the feeling of the other man’s arms wrapped around him. His mind backtracks and remembers every fight, every declaration of love, every instance that almost tore them apart, and every revelation that they were stronger together. He leans over and glances around the corner into the crowded backyard again, and spots Oliver laughing with Gemma and another relative, a beer in his hand, and a grin on his face. He must stare a bit too long because soon he feels Ella’s small hands tugging at his shirt for his attention.

“Sorry,” he says softly, turning to the kids again. “Got distracted. I… I’m ready for this. I know I am,” he says firmly. “I love Oliver. And he loves me. Of course, it’s more complicated than that. Or… I don’t know, some days I think it isn’t. Maybe it really is just that simple. Like… we’re in love… and that’s all that matters. But it’s always more complicated than that…”

Ella giggles while her brother scrunches up his face. “Eww, Uncle Connor’s in love!”

Connor rolls his eyes. Damn kids.

“One day I’m going to ask someone to marry me too!”

“Girls can’t ask people to marry them!”

“Hey, hey! That’s not true!” Connor says quickly before the siblings can start a bickering war. “ _Anyone_ can propose. As long as you’re in love, and you’re ready to make the commitment, that’s… that’s all that matters.”

“And how do you know you’re in love? How do you know you’re ready?”

Connor takes a shuddering breath as he stares into his niece’s curious eyes. He blinks and considers his words carefully. It’s something he had been thinking about for a long time. “Well… Oliver and I have been together a very long time. And eventually… if both people are willing, eventually… you begin to know the other person as well as you know yourself.”

“So you have to know the other person for a long time?”

“Well, not necessarily. I—I mean, not always,” Connor stutters through his words and suddenly thinks his sister might kill him if she knew he was giving her kids advice on _love._ But he takes a deep breath and gives his head a shake. “Yeah. Yeah, I think so. I uh… I spent most of my early twenties—and even before that—keeping people at a distance. Not letting anyone in… not letting anyone stick around long enough to get to know the real me. Um… I guess, a part of me was afraid no one would like the person they’d find.”

Connor pauses and swallows the lump in his throat before he continues. “It definitely takes time, getting to know another person, in such an intimate way. I never um… I never believed in ‘love at first sight’.” He gives a small laugh. “How could you possibly look at someone and _know_ them. I mean, _really_ know them. And know that you’d want to dedicate the rest of your life to this person? It’s just… not something I believe in. I think, getting to know a person, and falling in love with them… it takes time. Time and effort. And truthfully, before I met Oliver, I never even really knew what love was. That’s certainly another clue that you’ve found someone special,” he says softly.

“Is it hard being in love?” Ella asks, her voice barely above a whisper.

Connor gives her a wry smile. “It’s the hardest thing in the world,” he says truthfully.

“Why?” Aaron asks.

“Because… it takes effort.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… it’s not up to one person,” Connor says carefully. “It’s never as simple as just… being in love. The decision to spend the rest of your life with someone… No one ever stays the same over a lifetime. And with a partner… you grow together, you change together, you have to build a _life_ together. Every single day is a struggle.”

“I don’t understand,” Ella whines softly.

“Um… okay, uh…” Connor struggles as he tries to think of how to explain this to a child. “The second law of thermodynamics states that systems always tend to move from an ordered state to an unordered state due to random behavior.”

He doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry at the looks he gets from his niece and nephew.

“People change,” he says, trying again. “People change over time. And _feelings_ change. Which is why it’s never as simple as just loving another person. Aaron, remember last year at Thanksgiving when you snuck an entire carton of Rocky Road ice cream upstairs and ate the entire thing?”

Aaron makes a face as his sister bursts into giggles.

“Now you can’t even stand the thought of Rocky Road ice cream!” Connor says. “See, your feelings changed. Which is why you can’t just rely on feelings to make a relationship work. _Feelings_ change. Feelings naturally fade, over time. And at first, that made me sad. Because how could two people ever spend the rest of their lives together, when those feelings of love… of loving someone so much, that the thought of losing them, or even just being apart, felt more painful than anything else… those feelings could fade. Over a year, or ten years, over a lifetime,” Connor sighs softly, letting the air slowly escape from his lungs. “The truth is, people can fall out of love as easily as they fall into it. And that always made me doubt whether or not I wanted to spend the rest of my life with another person. I’ve always said that it’s easier being alone… No one can hurt you as badly as someone you’ve given your heart to. And even now, I still believe that.”

“So… why are you with Oliver?” Ella asks softly. “Why do you want to marry him?”

Connor’s eyes fall. And he thinks back to all the times they nearly gave up. The pain and regret he felt the first time Oliver kicked him out for cheating. The arguments, shouting matches, and tears when all the lies eventually made their way to the surface. Somehow, after everything, they always managed to find their way back together. Oliver is his anchor, keeping him grounded and steady. And he is Oliver’s helm, always changing course and heading.  

“He’s home,” Connor eventually says softly. “He feels like home, always has. He makes me feel safe, I love him, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I’m not naive enough to believe that Oliver is the only person in the world who could make me happy. I don’t believe in soulmates, I don’t think we’re ‘meant to be’. But I _want_ to make it work. And I want to make it work with _Oliver._ ”

Ella scoots closer and starts attempting to clumsily climb into his lap. Connor smiles softly and pulls her close to him.

“Love isn’t just a feeling. It’s a conscious decision that you have to make, every single day, for the rest of your life. It’s a commitment that you make to another person, that your eyes, your heart, and your mind will _never_ wander. It’s not easy, choosing to make it work with another person who will choose the same thing for a _lifetime_.”

“And Oliver chooses that too?”

Connor grins softly as a warm feeling floods his chest. “He chooses me,” he says simply. “Oliver knows the ugliest parts of myself. He knows me, he knows exactly what kind of person I am, _who_ I am. And he still chooses me, even on my worst days.”

“How do you know?”

Connor makes a face and starts tickling his niece in the tummy, causing her to shriek loudly in a fit of giggles.

“Because we have a good verbal relationship!” And it’s true. It took them a while to figure it out. But talking to each other about the good and the bad and the worse, about _everything_ , truly became the turning point in their relationship. And they’ve come out of it stronger than ever. There are no secrets between them now. And he wasn’t lying when he said that Oliver knows the worst parts of himself. It’s okay because he knows the best and worst parts of Oliver as well. And still… they choose each other.

“We talk. So much. That’s the most important part of a relationship,” he says sternly to both Aaron and Ella. “Remember that, communication is key! It took me _way_ too long to figure that out. Like… embarrassingly long. Okay?”

“Okay!”

“Got it, Uncle Connor.”

Connor grins, feeling better now than he had all day. He looks at his niece and nephew, neither of them are paying attention to him now. Aaron’s playing with his sister’s hair, and in return she keeps trying to smack his hand away. But they’re both laughing, even as their antics cause Aaron’s juice box to spill over.

“You know what, kids?” Connor suddenly speaks up. “I’m not waiting any longer.”

Ella’s eyes light up as she’s carefully displaced from her uncle’s lap, and Aaron stares in shock as Connor climbs to his feet and rushes into the backyard where friends and family have gathered to socialize.

He finds Oliver easily by the table of refreshments.

“Oliver! Hey! Oliver!” He quickly pulls the other man to the side by the arm. Then all of a sudden, he’s very aware of how quickly his heart pounds in his chest. But when their eyes meet, even as Connor searches for the right words, he feels more steady and self-assured than he had all day.

“Connor, where have you been? I feel like I haven’t seen you all day!” Oliver exclaims, mirth in his eyes. No doubt he sees Aaron and Ella sneaking up behind their uncle for a close up view of what’s about to happen. “What’s going on?” He asks softly.

“Um… heh,” Connor lets out a soft laugh, wishing he had prepared _something._ “Uh… wow, five years is a long time, huh?” He says lamely.

Oliver grins. “Yeah. Yeah, it is.”

“I uh—just looking back, there were so many times where I thought we wouldn’t make it,” Connor says softly, so that no one can hear their conversation but them. Intimate. As it should be. “We both made… _so_ many mistakes. Me more than you,” he breaks off with a soft laugh.

Oliver smiles gently, a mixture of warmth and sadness in his eyes as he remembers them all. “It’s in the past, Connor.”

“I know,” Connor murmurs. “But our past will always be a part of us. And I’m okay with that. Do you remember what you said to me that night?”

Of course, Oliver immediately knows which night he’s talking about. The night they decided that lies, secrets, and even murders couldn’t be enough to keep them apart. That no matter how bad it got, or how awful the circumstances would be, they would stick by each other’s side and get through it together. The night they both swore to never lie to each other again. It was the night their lives changed.

“I always used to wonder why you stuck with me,” Connor says. His hands are shaking so he holds them out, and Oliver immediately takes them. “I used to wonder why you were with someone like me, because I know without a doubt that you make me a better person. You make me _want_ to _be_ a better person. And I always thought that I did the opposite for you.”

Oliver stares at him, tears in his eyes. He already knows where this is going.

“But that’s not true, is it?” Connor asks softly. “I make you happy. Right?”

“So happy, Connor.” Oliver whispers, his voice hoarse and clearly struggling not to crack embarrassingly.

Connor grins, seeing the tears in the other man’s eyes, and he blinks away the tears in his own.

“I love you so much, Oliver. And I don’t ever want to take for granted what I have with you.” He drops one of Oliver’s hands and reaches into his pocket, where a gold band had been sitting warm and heavy in his pocket all day. And he drops to one knee. Still holding onto Oliver’s hand, he raises the ring in the other. Around them, the dull roar of voices seem to come to stop all at once, replaced with gasps and screams—one of which clearly comes from Gemma on the porch.

“If you’ll let me, I’d love nothing more than to spend the rest of my life, making you the happiest guy in the world.” Connor takes a deep breath, and he can see the other man visibly hold his own. “Oliver Hampton, will you marry me?”

It’s the longest three seconds of Connor’s life. There’s not a peep from the crowd, and the silence is so deafening, he can hear the blood pulsing in his ears.

“ _Yes._ ”

Connor blinks.

“Yes!” Oliver says again, louder. “Yes, damnit! I will marry you!” His hands frantically pull at Connor’s arms, dragging him to his feet and into his tight embrace that ends with a searing kiss. Warm and loving, his arm wraps tightly around Connor’s torso, pulling him close. His other hand covers Connor’s, and the warm band presses into his palm, a symbol of everything they’ve been through, and everything that is still ahead of them.

When they part, there’s barely a second to stare into each other’s eyes before they’re both tackled around the legs by two small children. There are endless screams, and barely comprehensible words. But the gist of it is ‘ _you did it, Uncle Connor!’_

Connor grins down at Aaron and Ella, before looking around the crowded backyard. Gemma is still staring at her brother in shock, mouth covered and tears in her eyes, looking so damn proud, Connor feels he could almost burst into tears himself. People are cheering, and those closest to them offer their congratulations. They’re both grinning ear to ear, and Oliver still hasn’t released his arms from around his fiancé.

Connor grins down at his niece and nephew who continue to jump around them in happiness. “See? I told you my mom would cry!”

Oliver laughs when his eyes fall on Mrs. Walsh, who looks like she’s barely holding it together. “I love you so much, Connor,” he murmurs softly into the other man’s ear.

Connor turns to him. “I love you too, Ollie. Always.”

Oliver nods in agreement. “Always.”

**Author's Note:**

> [x](http://winters-blue-children.tumblr.com)


End file.
